Manifesta To Young Women and Girls

HERE'S WHAT YOU WILL BE TOLD:

"Find a man

Seek protection

The world is scary

Don't go out

You are weak

Don't care so much

They're only animals

Don't be so intense

Don't cry so much

You can't trust anyone

Don't talk to strangers

People will take advantage of you

Girls aren't good with:

Numbers

Facts

Making difficult decisions

Lifting things

Putting things together

International news

Flying planes

Being in charge.

Don't travel alone

You are nothing without a man

Don't make the first move,

wait for him to notice you

Don't be too loud

Follow the crowd

Obey the laws

Don't know too much

Tone it down

Find someone rich

It's how you look that matters,

not what you think.

HERE'S WHAT I'M TELLING YOU:

Everyone's making everything up

There is no one in charge except for those

who pretend to be

No one is coming

No one is going to

Rescue you

Mind-read your needs

Know your body better than you

Always fight back

Ask for it

Say what you want

Cherish your solitude

Take trains by yourself to places

you have never been

Sleep out alone under the stars

Learn how to drive a stick shift

Go so far away that you stop being afraid of 

not coming back

Say no when you don't want to do something

Say yes if your instincts are strong

even if everyone around you disagrees

Decide whether you want to be liked or admired

Decide if fitting in is more important than finding out

what you're doing here

Believe in kissing

Fight for tenderness

Care as much as you do

Cry as much as you want

Insist the world be theater

and love the drama

Take your time

Move as fast as you do

as long as it's your speed."- Eve Ensler 

Breaking LUCE

Often too busy to talk to anyone, ever again, my sister Colleen aka (The Selfless Humanitarian Patriot) combined forces with myself aka (The Alternative Communist Punk Socialist) to throw her son Rick RC Collins a farewell party this weekend. Never claiming short nicknames, this family of mine, does claim to know what a good time consists of!

The Cynical Sisters

Even invited members of the rest of the Clan 

Under the stipulation that everyone MUST get weird! 

And take family photos for legality purposes, of course

It's not a party, if you don't drunk dial your parents! Duh

CAUTION:

If you loose your mind, come back. 

Some things in this life come with warning labels. Because somewhere along the way someone out there was caught off guard, so much so that they probably sued the maker of the offending object or product. Maybe their motives were money, or maybe they were doing their part to save the human race, one extremely hot coffee at a time. 

Objects and products are easily placed into categories... hot/cold/danger/not safe in the bath tub, and ultimately any given product is in the hands of the consumer. They've been warned, and it's up to them to open any given dangerous product and use it as they see fit. 

People that you encounter along your way, do-not come equipped with warning labels. It would be nice if some did, but depending on the day you're having, is probably for the best.  Because unlike these boxes we as the consumer choose to open, we humans are made up of complex energy roaming freely about this planet.  So what to do, when you encounter another person, whom you wished came with a disclaimer of sorts? 

All that you can do... remember your roots. As my girl Ani Difranco says, "Self-preservation is a full-time occupation." This past week behaviors of people around me had me questioning myself, and I even let it overlap into this week as well (and it's only Tuesday!) Well, shame on me. I know who I am, and what I stand for, and I have more common sense than to play with fire. People may not come attached with warning labels, but I come attached with solid beliefs. No sense in questioning yourself, there's people out there already filling that role. Sometimes you're all you've got.... best to surround yourself with fierce idealisms of those before you... whom walked a mile in your platform shoes. 

"Life knocked me off my platforms

So I pulled out my first pair of boots

Bought on the street at astor place

Before New York was run by suits

And I suited up for the long walk 

Back to myself

Closer to the ground now

With sorrow

And stealth"- Ani Difranco 

Babies aren't able to read warning labels, so make sure to keep an eye out for them. 

Love Wins. Always.

I can't shake the feeling of loss for my home in Colorado and our Country as a whole. My thoughts, love, and energy are with the state that I hold so near and dear to my heart. Grab your loved ones tonight and let them know how much they mean to you. There are senseless acts of violence in this world, but there are also beautiful acts of kindness. Please make it a point to extend an act of love and kindness to a perfect stranger you encounter. I know this wont change anything, but the only way we can counteract evil and violence is to show love and generosity to our fellow brothers and sisters. Pay love forward anyway you can. Love wins.

Dorothy and Her Bag Full of Wonder

Ozma: Why did they bring you here, Dorothy? 
Dorothy:Because I can't sleep, and I talk about a place that I've been to, but nobody believes that it exists.

Today will be my last Sunday spent living 5,280 above the sea, but the ocean has requested my presence, and I accepted its offer. 


I embarked on a journey four years ago, to a place I had never even laid eyes on. Grant, Ms. Meowington, myself and our Uhaul packed to the brim, headed out west. Sounds like a tune only Janis Joplin could sing, but our dirty red bandanas were packed. Approaching Tennessee, I wearily stated "I don't like driving around these mountains, they make me nervous!" to which Grant so calmly replied "You know where you're moving to, right?"


In reality, I had no clue. How should I know? I was along for the adventure, not the driving of the Uhaul.  The first year was tough, and when your parents tell you not to live with a boy before marriage, they're not just saying that for their own good health. There's actually some validity to this request.  The cards were stacked against us from the start, but hey, we were young and in love. You only live once, so they say. I made the tough decision to move out, and Grant was very helpful, but heartbroken. "Helpful and Heartbroken" (sounds like a song title!) He moved me across town to my little studio apartment in Congress Park. 


So there I was was living in the city, alone. I'd be lying if I said that I didn't plead with Grant to reconsider my decision, a new cold hard reality can be tough.  Freedom was what I wanted, and poof there it was! Again, I'd be lying if I said that I didn't play Fiest's song "Lonely, Lonely" on repeat nightly crying into my wine glass. I had no friends, family, dog or boyfriend. What the hell am I doing here? Again, how did I get here, exactly? These thoughts lived in my mind for two months, but with decisions comes adult-hood. Like a cowboy, I shipped myself out west, and cowboys don't cry into wine glasses. Two months later, I pulled myself together and decided to take advantage of this new found freedom. Swapping out Fiest's "Lonely, Lonely" for Phoenix's "1901" I'll never forget that morning "1901" found me.  Like a ton of bricks I realized dancing around in your OWN apartment is a WAY better time than crying over your ex-boyfriend, sitting on the couch he so kindly gave to you. 


I began exploring my new neighborhood in Denver, and started to make friends at work, and before I knew it my once dreaded studio apartment slowly morphed into this sanctuary of "life in the city"
Dorothy: Do you suppose we'll meet any wild animals in Oz? 

I was loving life, but dreading my job. What's a cowboy to do? Finish college, I reckon'.  So I crammed in a bunch of Science classes and a year later I was officially declared the possessor of a Bachelor of Science degree. It must have been all that Bill Nye I watched growing up. It was time to switch gears, no longer a cowboy, but now a Scientist, time to start thinking like a Scientist. Or a mad-scienst, if you will. Because I thought the solution was to move back down-south with my life, and cat in tow. That trip is a story all of it's own, it was short lived and I found myself Denver bound within a month's time. Second times a charm, so they say. 


Back in Denver living on a prayer (Bon Jovi style) Three years older sans boyfriend and Uhaul, but now a Scientist. I found a temp job working in one of the tallest buildings downtown, only to be recruited by the "Blonde Devil" herself. She lured me into her web, where I worked as a recruiter under her curls of blonde for two months, worked hazed for two months.  Me, realizing, I do indeed value my soul. Her, realizing, she hired a girl (me) that would be willing to employ a person with a tattoo on their face. So off I went, only now carrying concerns for all the girls with dragon tattoos on their faces. They will never find jobs with close minded recruiters working on their behalf! But that was no longer my battle to fight. 

I decided to look further into this higher education field that my best friend Kevin was working in. Thinking these cats must have some open-minded views, to hire Kev. He's brilliant, but will not shave his beard under any circumstances. I love his beautiful mind and strange convictions. 
Dorothy: [to Scarecrow] I think I'm going to miss you most of all.  

I found my field of interest, but the universe had one more lesson to teach this Scientist, in order for her to be fully prepared in her upcoming career. I interviewed with the first University among 150 other beard lovin', dragon tattoo face enthusiasts. I was selected along with 60 others, only to find myself not making "The final grade" But Mama didn't raise no fool'! Though I had a bad run with the employment arena upon the completion of my Bachelor's degree, each experience was tucked under my sleeve, and etched into my brain. Sure The Head-Hunter from Hell hazed me, followed up with two weeks of Admissions boot-camp, only to fall 10 points short on my final Admissions exam. I just chalked it up to, the world not being quite ready for, TQ The Scientist. 


A week after playing "Admissions school drop-out" I was back on the horse, sitting in a chair across from The Director of Admissions, with a smaller college, second round of interviews. It was a great sign that this school wasn't herding in cattle by the dozen, it was myself and two others that were hired into their Admissions department.  With most things, you never know how everything will play out, until your holding the cards in-front of your face. Six months had passed, I was loving and excelling in my new job. But business decisions had to be made, and they had to close their on-line office here in Denver.  Keeping four individuals to handle their Admissions department. It was a shock to see everyone I became so close with have to leave, but it was also an honor to have been one of the four selected to keep. The universe taught me those tough lessons, causing me to enter this new opportunity as a warrior, of my new found craft. Dominating this job was my only choice. Just that I did, and now I have found my niche in this place that is circling around the sun. 


The four of us left to "man the battle ship" so to say, have become closer than ever. And when The President of our University so graciously sent us out to Connecticut to be apart of this years graduation ceremony, ordering caps and gowns, for each of us from our own colleges, my work within this school was solidified to the max. Not participating in my own universities commencement ceremony, I viewed my work sending me to theirs as my very own graduation Why not? I'm the one in charge of celebrations.  I went to college in Alabama, only to finish my degree in Colorado, it only makes sense for me to graduate in Connecticut. And while we're at it, best that I be seated amongst the faculty, wearing my cap and gown.  We should do this proper, and "one-up" Troy State University. 
Dorothy: Goodbye, Tinman. Oh, don't cry! You'll rust so dreadfully. Here's your oil can. 
Tin Woodsman: Now I know I've got a heart, 'cause it's breaking... 
Dorothy: Goodbye, Lion. I know it isn't right, but I'm going to miss the way you used to hollar for help before you found your courage. 
Cowardly Lion: I never would've found it if it hadn't been for you... 

Two weeks before my 30th birthday our Vice President called me into his office, to discuss an opportunity he thought I... (TQ, the once lived cowboy, advocate for those with tattoos on their faces, ex-boyfriend couch possessin', Scientist) the best candidate.  Enduring two weeks worth of impending interviews with the likes of the CFO, President, and The Regional Executive Director of the college. I was once again called into his office, this time three days before my 30th birthday. Via conference call, they offered me the position of Campus Director, in Florida. Clearly, I was aware of the position that I had been nominated, and was interviewing for.  But until those words were spoken during conference call that Friday afternoon, the magnitude of everything hadn't sunk in.  I couldn't help but shed tears, of happiness. 


I had just spent two weeks of my life convincing myself that no matter the outcome this was an absolute honor to even be considered. Keeping that job-getting warrior that resides inside of me at bay was not an easy job. Once that warrior is called to duty, she doesn't leave quietly. My inner dialogue sounded something like this, and it wasn't pretty 

Warrior: Oh, wait a sec, I sense a job interview in our midst. 

Me: We have a job, a great job at that, so there is no need for you. 

Warrior: Well, why are we interviewing again, for the second time in one week? I'm onto you. We must get this job, or we fail! 

Me: No need for your guns warrior, there is no failing here, let's just do our best. And if this isn't the right thing for us now, we will tuck this experience into our sleeve, and use it for when this opportunity strikes again. 

The job-getting warrior within had patted herself on the back WE GOT THE PROMOTION! But the pleas from another contender, one I had forgotten about until now, refused to go without a fight. This long lost contender who risked everything to move back to Colorado, on her own, was demanding my attention. Keeping one's balance is no easy task, especially when you're dealing with multiple troopers. 

The girl that made the decision over a year ago, and so bravely moved back to Denver, once again but alone this time, was seeking true independence while announcing to the world, "Hey, I love Denver, and this is where I will live! No matter what anyone has to say" though she sounds somewhat fierce she still needed some help, creating a contender within, one that would guide her state line to state line, with so much to prove she achieved her goal. Balancing between the girl whom only demanded independence and the 30 year-old woman I was now turning into, it became clear to me, that girl's job here was done. It's time for The Director inside of me to follow her dreams, and bid adieu to this magnificent place, and the contender within.  


Though I will never let go of all these strange encounters, beautiful souls that I now call friends, or my sheer absolute love for this city.  I am ready to see all the goodness this next chapter has in store. Don't worry, I have cleverly, once again tucked away in my sleeve some gems that no solider should live without.  That feeling one can only obtain by being engulfed by the Rocky Mountains as well as sitting peacefully with friends on a patio, during a vanilla-sky sunset that Colorado paints so perfectly. 

The time for this warrior to ramble on, the only way she can, is now. In her suitcase she has packed a mad-scientist, an angsty feminist, a wine-sipping cowboy, love for a bearded man, a girl with a dragon tattoo on her face, an acquired taste for fine cheeses, the view of the city from Redrocks, a Sunday mountain-drive mixed cd, Cervante's main stage, Streets of London's juke-box, rooftop dance-parties, A few of "electronic Tuesday's" beats and some un-paid parking tickets. In her suit-case they will have to stay, but they'll be there if ever she needs a gentle reminder. "What a beautiful dream

That could flash on the screen

In a blink of an eye and be gone from me

Soft and sweet

Let me hold it close and keep it here with me, me"

Dancing in the Streets

I should keep record of these things. Oh how I love Denvah. Gangsters don't dance, they boogie.

Club Three O

Today was the first day of 30!

The first text I received for the day was from my niece Madison. "Happy Birthday Aunt TT, what are you now? 25?"  Nope little lady, this birthday is much bigger than that! Feels like I've been initiated into some club consisting of distinguished adults. And it feels GREAT!

If I wasn't so afraid of shooting an eye out, I'd crack that champagne in the fridge and end the night on that note. But I'll be needing both of me eyes, I've got a road trip on the brinks.

Day of Dads

"In the end, though, maybe we all must give up trying to pay back the people in this world who sustain our lives. In the end, maybe it's wiser to surrender before the miraculous scope of human generosity and to just keep saying thank you, forever and sincerely, for as long as we have voices." - Elizabeth Gilbert    Eat, Pray, Love

The Road To Joy

Joy,

  You and I have never met so this might seem odd to you (a perfect stranger writing you a letter & making you a cd... pretty weird!) but your father has been a great co-worker & friend to me.  I don't have any family out here, and at times, your father's wisdom makes my world a little more bearable. The way your father speaks of his children, reminds me of my own dad.
  My father and I often communicate through music, and throughout this past year I have shared some of my music with your dad, to which he has passed along to his kids. Your dad has recently communicated that you are facing an extremely difficult time in your life (he hasn't shared any details, just that you're facing some battles, that even the strongest of souls would need some extra courage to face)
  I don't know your entire story Joy, but what I seem to know for certain is, that you're an incredible woman.  You have accomplished some pretty amazing things in your life.  I can also tell, through the details that your father does share, that you have an insatiable desire to help others. I have over-come some battles of my own throughout my life.  Some of those I faced alone, some from the help of family, and some through the words given to me by perfect strangers.
  So here I am, passing along to you the gift of music.  I consider each song enclosed a personal friend of mine.  Because at one point in my life, they have each grabbed my fragile hand and lifted me from that dark place.  So it's my hopes that each one finds you, just as well. You're a beautiful soul, even in the eyes of a perfect stranger.


"And there will come a time, 
you'll see, with no more tears.
And love will not break your heart, 
but dismiss your fears.
Get over your hill and see 
what you find there,
With grace in your heart 
and flowers in your hair."

Plugging in Keyboards

A Take Away Show

I have a sneaking suspicion these Coachella pics could be the culprit of my West Coast frame of mind this evening.  Not to mention this stellar video I found of my main man, Justin Vernon, singing his heart out underneath that desert sky. Did I mention that I was in the crowd? 

"The grass was so green against my new clothes, And I did cartwheels in your honor, dancing on tiptoes"

Pen Pals

To an English Friend in Africa
for Daisy Waugh

"Be grateful for the freedom
To see other dreams.
Bless your loneliness as much as you drank
Of your former companionships.
All that you are experiencing now
Will become moods of future joys
So bless it all.
Do not think your way superior
To another’s
Do not venture to judge
But see things with fresh and open eyes
Do not condemn
But praise what you can
And when you can’t be silent.
Time is now a gift for you
A gift of freedom
To think and remember and understand
The ever perplexing past
And to re-create yourself anew
In order to transform time.
Live while you are alive.
Learn the ways of silence and wisdom
Learn to act, learn a new speech
Learn to be what you are in the seed of your spirit
Learn to free yourself from all the things
That have moulded you
And which limit your secret and undiscovered road.

Remember that all things which happen
To you are raw materials
Endlessly fertile
Endlessly yielding of thoughts that could change
Your life and go on doing so for ever.
Never forget to pray and be thankful
For all the things good or bad on the rich road;
For everything is changeable
So long as you live while you are alive.
Fear not, but be full of light and love;
Fear not but be alert and receptive;
Fear not but act decisively when you should;
Fear not, but know when to stop;
Fear not for you are loved by me;
Fear not, for death is not the real terror,
But life – magically – is.
Be joyful in your silence
Be strong in your patience
Do not try to wrestle with the universe
But be sometimes like water or air
Sometimes like fire
And constant like earth.
Live slowly, think slowly, for time is a mystery.
Never forget that love
Requires always that you be
The greatest person you are capable of being,
Self-regenerating and strong and gentle-
Your own hero and star.
Love demands the best in us
To always and in time overcome the worst
And lowest in our souls.
Love the world wisely.
It is love alone that is the greatest weapon
And the deepest and hardest secret.
So fear not, my friend.
The darkness is gentler than you think.
Be grateful for the manifold
Dreams of creation
And the many ways of unnumbered peoples.
Be grateful for life as you live it.
And may a wonderful light
Always guide you on the unfolding road."

March 1991
Ben Okri

California or Bust?

        And... I'm mobile! Spending the weekend underneath this desert sky.

Front Porch Scenes

11 inches of snow here in Denver. Northern Exposures on DVD, Pizza in the oven, and a fridge full of Pilsners. Think I'll just admire the view from my window.

I've been obsessed with this man and his bongos paying a heartfelt homage to Adele in the subway.